207. From Conflict to Connection: Having Crucial Conversations that Count
Think Fast Talk Smart: Communication Techniques
Think Fast Talk Smart
4.7 • 711 Ratings
🗓️ 3 June 2025
⏱️ 27 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
How victim, villain, and helpless stories sabotage our most important conversations.
The hardest conversations aren’t just about what you say to the other person. According to Joseph Grenny, critical conversations begin with the stories that you tell yourself.
As a leading expert on business performance and communication, and a New York Times bestselling co-author of Crucial Conversations, Grenny explains that navigating high-stakes communication starts by examining the internal narratives we bring into these situations. “You and I use three consistent types of stories in these moments that don't serve us well,” he says: Victim stories (emphasizing our innocence), villain stories (demonizing the other person), and helpless stories (justifying our poor responses). "Those three kinds of stories are what amp up our emotions and justify us in our unhealthy responses," he says.
In this episode of Think Fast, Talk Smart, Grenny joins Matt Abrahams to share practical strategies for mastering difficult conversations through what he calls "TLC" — truth, love, and competence. From recognizing your motives during conflict to accepting your role in creating it, he offers tools for staying focused on what you really want rather than getting hijacked by short-term emotional impulses.
To listen to the extended Deep Thinks version of this episode, please visit FasterSmarter.io/premium
Episode Reference Links:
- Joseph Grenny
- Joseph’s Book: Crucial Conversations
- Ep.105 Radical Candor: The Communication Shift That Can Transform Your Career
- Ep.148 Conviction and Compassion: How to Have Hard Conversations
Connect:
- Premium Signup >>>> Think Fast Talk Smart Premium
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- Episode Transcripts >>> Think Fast Talk Smart Website
- Newsletter Signup + English Language Learning >>> FasterSmarter.io
- Think Fast Talk Smart >>> LinkedIn, Instagram, YouTube
- Matt Abrahams >>> LinkedIn
Chapters:
- (00:00) - Introduction
- (02:16) - Influence & Why It Matters
- (04:15) - Truth & Love: The Foundation of Accountability
- (06:35) - Showing You Care & Respect Others
- (08:19) - Recognizing Motives in High-Stakes Moment
- (14:13) - Managing Emotions in Crucial Conversations
- (20:08) - The Final Three Questions
- (25:24) - Conclusion
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Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | This episode is brought to you by Grammerly. Here at Think Fast Talk Smart, we create a lot of content, |
| 0:06.4 | from social media posts to newsletters, guest invitations to sponsorship proposals. To help us be more |
| 0:12.5 | effective and produce high-quality content, we rely on Grammarly. Grammarly is the essential AI |
| 0:18.2 | communication assistant that boost productivity so you can get more of what you need done faster, no matter what or where you're writing. |
| 0:26.6 | Grammarly helps us be more efficient and strike the right tone for our many messages. |
| 0:31.6 | I know you'll find it very useful. |
| 0:33.9 | Let Grammarly take the busy work off your plate so you can focus on high-impact work. |
| 0:39.1 | Download Grammarly for free at Grammarly.com slash podcast. |
| 0:43.5 | That's Gramerly.com slash podcast. |
| 0:47.3 | Crucial conversations can be some of the most challenging communication that we ever engage in. |
| 0:54.0 | My name is Matt Abrahams, and I teach strategic communication at Stanford Graduate School |
| 0:59.1 | of Business. |
| 1:00.1 | Welcome to Think Fast, Talk Smart, the podcast. |
| 1:04.4 | Today I look forward to speaking with Joseph Grinney. |
| 1:07.7 | Joseph is a renowned author and speaker. |
| 1:10.3 | His work focuses on how individuals and organizations |
| 1:12.9 | can improve communication, influence behavior, and drive change. He is best known for co-authoring |
| 1:19.1 | books like crucial conversations, crucial accountability, and influencer. His latest work |
| 1:25.6 | looks at how to equip younger managers with the tools and skills they |
| 1:29.8 | need to succeed. Welcome, Joseph. Before we get started, I wanted to remind everyone that we have |
| 1:36.9 | amazing resources on Faster Smarter.io, including recommended books, deep dives into topics such as anxiety management and spontaneous |
| 1:46.0 | speaking, and content for English language learners for every single episode. Check out |
... |
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