205: How to Crush Negative Thoughts: Should Statements

Feeling Good Podcast | TEAM-CBT - The New Mood Therapy

David Burns, MD

Clinical, Therapy, Anxiety, Psychotherapy, Depression, Health & Fitness, Cognitive, Mentalhealth, Mental Health, Behavior, Education, Self-improvement, Psychology, Relationships, Addiction, Happiness, Personalgrowth

4.4 • 856 Ratings

🗓️ 24 August 2020

⏱️ 44 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

Today, the Cognitive Distortion Starter Kit Continues with

Should Statements

Rhonda begins by reading a beautiful email from one of our listeners, and I give a brief shout out for my new book, Feeling Great, which can be pre-ordered on Amazon now (see below for the link). Thanks to your support, as of today (July 2) it is already the #1 best seller in the Amazon depression AND anxiety categories for impending new books!

David and Rhonda briefly summarize the history of Should Statements, starting with the Buddha 2500 years ago, and culminating in the work of Karen Horney and Albert Ellis in the 20^th century. They both emphasized that nearly all emotional suffering as well as relationship conflict results from “Shoulds.”

David and Rhonda describe the four categories of Should Statements:

Shoulds directed against yourself cause depression, anxiety, guilt, and shame. and even lead to suicidal urges.
Should directed against others cause anger, and can even lead to violence.
Shoulds directed against the world cause frustration.
Hidden Shoulds.

They also describe the three valid types of Should Statements:

Moral Shoulds
Legal Shoulds
Laws of the Universe Shoulds

David and Rhonda provide vignettes illustrating the tremendous emotional damage that can result from “Shoulds” and describe a number of strategies for combating them, including:

Positive Reframing
the Semantic Technique
Socratic Questioning
the Acceptance Paradox

The final podcast in this series will focus on the two types of Blame:

Self-Blame, which nearly always marches hand-in-hand with Self-Directed Shoulds
Other-Blame, which nearly always marches hand-in-hand with Other-Directed Shoulds

Rhonda and David

Transcript

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0:00.0	Hello and welcome to the Feeling Good podcast, where you can learn powerful techniques to change the way you feel.
0:16.3	I am your host, Rhonda Borovsky, and joining me here in the Murrieta studio is Dr. David Burns.
0:22.6	Dr. David Burns is a pioneer in the development of cognitive behavioral therapy and the creator of the new team therapy.
0:29.6	He is the author of Feeling Good, which has sold over 5 million copies in the United States and has been translated into over 30 languages. David is currently an
0:39.3	emeritus adjunct professor of clinical psychiatry at Stanford University School of Medicine.
0:44.9	Hello, Rhonda. Oh, hello, David. That was so sedative view. Well, this is always one of the
0:51.6	happiest times of the week for me when we get it the chance to do a podcast and shoot the breeze and hang out and hopefully bring some good healing and inspiring messages to our many fans.
1:08.0	Yes, it's the highlight of my week too. And I want to welcome everyone to episode
1:12.9	2000 and five, 205. This is on the cognitive distortion of should statements. Yeah, and I think
1:23.5	you've got a couple really nice emails to read too.
1:28.3	I do.
1:29.3	This was about our Corona Cast 6, which was entitled Love Story Part 2, the Surprise
1:37.3	Conclusion.
1:38.3	And Marshall wrote to us and said, I love to think that everyone can have their own love stories. Personally,
1:46.5	I feel that everyone wants a little love in their lives, be at a fairy tale meeting, or just
1:51.4	meeting that special person. I loved this story. It was truly beautiful. Great job, everyone.
1:58.1	That was so sweet. Thank you. Thank you so much for that.
2:01.6	And yes, a nice love story, and this one had such a beautiful surprise ending and a beautiful
2:09.6	photo.
2:10.6	And now they're, I think they're just a couple of lovebirds and they were on the verge of thinking
2:16.6	one of them was going to die and just, it's just a couple of loved birds and they were on the verge of thinking one of them was going to die.
2:19.0	And it's just, Taylor gave us so much with those two corona casts.
	...

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