Welcome to the Stuttering John podcast with your host, Stuttering John. How are you, everybody?

Are you having a good week so far? Did you have a nice Easter, a nice Passover?

God, I hope so. I had a great Passover. Well, I'm not Jewish, but I had a great Easter.

It was awesome. I cooked my famous beer can chicken and pasta and sauce

and salad, heated up some Italian bread, meat of vinegar for people to dip the bread in. It was awesome.

Awesome. I love cooking. Anyway, so I guess my last podcast was, I guess, supplied material for that pock-faced

douchebag over in Long Island and his fat, bumbling, heroin-addicted sidekick. Yeah, Artie Lang, I always love Artie,

but I don't like him. He used to be a good guy until he lost his heart a long time ago.

Guess he sold his soul to the devil when he started doing heroin again. He did once tell me a long time ago when we were on the Staring Show, Artie said to me that Coke is the devil.

Cocaine is the devil.

Well, I guess Arty has sold his soul to the devil because he continues to be the bully and asswhite that he chooses to be, especially to me.

He treats Gorillo with reverence, yet beats the fuck out of me, a guy that was there

who fucking stood in front of his car when he was drunk and wanted to drive

because I felt that he was, you know, going to kill himself. The guy that fucking

called in when I was shooting a bit on the Tonight Show when I heard that he had committed suicide

and I called in crying over to Jason Kaplan over at the Hard Rock in Vegas where Howard was

broadcasting his show from,

pleading with Jason to go up to Artie's room to make sure he was okay.

Yeah, I'm the guy that did that.

I'm the guy that allowed up when Artie wanted to start doing stand-up again,

or at least now he says he wanted to do time, whatever,

and asked me to come on my comedy show that I had booked in Boston at the Comedy Connection,

...