198: Breaking Painful Generational Patterns—One Woman’s Story of Healing Childhood Wounds with Melanie Shankle

The Best of You

Dr. Alison Cook

Mental Health, Health & Fitness

4.9 • 959 Ratings

🗓️ 5 March 2026

⏱️ 60 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

What do you do when the person who was supposed to nurture you becomes the source of your deepest wounds? In this episode, Dr. Alison sits down with writer, speaker, and host of the Big Boo Cast, Melanie Shankle to explore the complicated terrain of mother wounds, emotional enmeshment, and the long road toward healing. From the outside, it can look like “normal family tension.” But in the body, something feels off. Together, they explore: What happens when your nervous system knew something wasn’t safe before you had language for it The impact of criticism, competitiveness, and emotional parentification How shame can keep you believing the problem is you he difference between honoring a parent and tolerating hard Why distance sometimes becomes part of healing This isn't a conversation about blame. It's a conversation about truth-telling. About untangling enmeshment. About breaking generational patterns. About discovering what safety actually feels like. If you’ve ever felt torn between loyalty and self-protection… If you’ve wondered whether what you experienced “counts”… If you’re learning to trust what your body has always known… This episode is honest, nuanced, and ultimately hopeful. Because healing one life can change a generation. More Resources: Connect with @melanieshankle on Instagram Order Melanie’s latest book Here Be Dragons. Connect with @dralisoncook on Instagram Join the 80,000+ soul menders in our email community and receive weekly reflections and gentle practices here. If you liked this episode, then you’ll love: Episode 144: Healing the Soul Through Encounters with Jesus Featuring John Eldredge Episode 128: Generational Trauma—Overcoming Inherited Dysfunction & Legacy Burdens with therapist Gina Birkemeier 📖 Find a full transcript and list of resources from this episode here Don't forget to browse this week's sponsors, who make it possible for me to bring you these resources for free + provide you with additional discounts! Quince - How you dress affects your mood and you can trust that Quince has you covered in every day sustainable wardrobe staples. Go to ⁠Quince.com/bestofyou⁠ for 365-day returns, plus free shipping on your order! AirDoctor - Eliminate 99.9% contaminants in your home with AirDoctor by visiting AirDoctorPro.com and use promo code BESTOFYOU to get UP TO $300 off today! *Some of the links above are Amazon affiliate links. If you choose to purchase through them, I may earn a small commission at no extra cost to you. While Dr. Cook is a counselor, the content of this podcast and any of the products provided by Dr. Cook are not specific counseling advice nor are they a substitute for individual counseling. The content and products provided on this podcast are for informational purposes only.‍ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcript

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0:00.0	So much of my self-image, so much of my self-doubt, so much of everything came from the voice in my head, which was my mom's voice.
0:08.4	She was the first person that ever made me feel like I wasn't ever going to be good enough.
0:12.9	I had lived so much of my life in that self-hatred of if I could just do this, if I could just act right, if I could just behave in a certain way.
0:20.7	And so all of a sudden the grace to be like, no, I just accept you however you are.
0:24.6	It's biblical. I mean, the truth set me free.
0:27.0	And so that changed the trajectory of my life.
0:41.6	Hey, everyone, and welcome back to this week's episode of The Best of You.
0:46.7	I'm Dr. Allison. I'm so glad you're here with me this week. If you're new here, I'm especially glad you've joined us. This podcast is a space where we try to live honestly,
0:51.7	where psychology and faith aren't at odds, but always in conversation.
0:56.3	We care about the complexity of real human stories. We slow down. We name what's hard,
1:02.3	and we look for wisdom that is both grounded and compassionate. This is our weekly deep dive
1:07.9	episode where we take one topic and explore it more fully.
1:11.5	Before we jump into today's conversation, I want to briefly connect it to something we explored back in January on the best of you every day.
1:18.6	These are the daily eight-minute, sometimes more devotionals where we anchor in scripture and reflect through the lens of psychology. And in this episode in January,
1:29.6	it's called What Does It Mean to Honor Your Parents? We wrestled with Exodus 2012, which is the
1:34.9	commandment of the Ten Commandments to honor your mother and father. And we asked a really important
1:40.2	question. How do we approach harmful parenting without becoming reactive, without becoming
1:46.3	kind of the way our culture sometimes can right now, which is to cut off too quickly, while
1:50.6	still honoring the reality of harm. Because honoring doesn't mean denying and it doesn't mean
1:57.1	tolerating harm. It means learning how to live truthfully and wisely in the aftermath
2:03.7	of what shaped us. And today's conversation lives right in that tension. Today on the show,
2:09.3	I'm talking with Melanie Schenkel. She's a beloved writer, speaker, and the co-host of the Big Boose
	...

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