183: Tough Conversations about Racial Bias. Yikes! Do We HAVE TO Talk About This?

Feeling Good Podcast | TEAM-CBT - The New Mood Therapy

David Burns, MD

Clinical, Therapy, Anxiety, Psychotherapy, Depression, Health & Fitness, Cognitive, Mentalhealth, Mental Health, Behavior, Education, Self-improvement, Psychology, Relationships, Addiction, Happiness, Personalgrowth

4.4 • 856 Ratings

🗓️ 9 March 2020

⏱️ 35 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

Today, Rhonda and David talk about how to give potentially hurtful feedback when you sense racial bias in a friend or colleague. She describes an incident in her office where the glass coffee table in her waiting room was found smashed and shattered when her office mate "Steve" (not his real name) arrived Monday morning. Although many people, including the cleaning crew, had used the office over the weekend, Steve asked Rhonda to discuss the broken table with someone who uses her office on the weekends, Kenya. Kenya is African American, and a highly esteemed professional and beloved friend and colleague of Rhonda's. Rhonda thought there was implicit bias being played out in this situation but did not know how to discuss it with Steve.

But how can she convey these feelings to her office mate, who conveyed the impression that a black man must be the one who broke the table?

David suggests one of the advanced communication techniques called "Changing the Focus" discussed and demonstrated in a previous podcast #158. They illustrate how to apply that method to the current situation, and struggle a bit along the way!

David reiterates the story of when he was accused of being racist at a psychotherapy workshop near the Texas / Mexico border, and how his own teachings in that very workshop saved the day for him. He emphasizes that it can be so painful to be accused of racist tendencies, or to discover them in yourself, and that this is another case where the cover-up is far worse than the crime!

David and Rhonda

Transcript

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0:00.0	Hello and welcome to the Feeling Good podcast, where you can learn powerful techniques to change the way you feel.
0:16.3	I am your host, Rhonda Borovsky, and joining me here in the Murrieta studio is Dr. David Burns.
0:22.6	Dr. David Burns is a pioneer in the development of cognitive behavioral therapy and the creator of the new team therapy.
0:29.6	He is the author of Feeling Good, which has sold over 5 million copies in the United States and has been translated into over 30 languages.
0:38.3	David is currently an emeritus adjunct professor of clinical psychiatry at Stanford University School of Medicine.
0:45.3	Hello, Rhonda.
0:48.3	I like that trill in your...
0:51.3	Hello, David, and welcome everyone to episode 183.
0:57.0	The topic today we're going to talk about how to give negative, how to give feedback about really difficult topics.
1:05.0	And specifically we're talking about how to give feedback when there's elements of racism in the
1:11.4	conversation or in our concern about what another person has said to us or in our
1:17.3	worry about how the other person presents themselves to the world. Well this is a
1:21.2	good this is a darn good one and I think everyone will relate to from one
1:25.2	perspective or another why don't you tell your story about your
1:29.1	colleague Kenya? Yes, so I sublet my office to my colleague who's a licensed clinical social worker
1:36.7	and a very experienced therapist. And I'll just tell you his first name, which he gave me
1:40.9	permission to use. His name is Kenya. And he has a full-time job,
1:44.5	so he only sublets my office on weekends. And sometimes he's there Saturday and Sunday. Sometimes
1:49.3	he's just there one of the days. And I have three other office mates who are there full-time,
1:55.3	Monday through Friday, and don't work on the weekends. And each of those people also sub-lets
1:59.6	their office to various other therapists
2:02.2	on days when they're not in the office. So there are a lot of people using this office suite.
	...

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