183: The Real Reason You Compare Yourself (and How to Heal It)

The Best of You

Dr. Alison Cook

Mental Health, Health & Fitness

4.9 • 959 Ratings

🗓️ 6 November 2025

⏱️ 35 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

It can happen so fast - you feel grateful one moment, and five minutes on Instagram later you’re suddenly feeling small or behind. But what if comparison isn’t the problem itself, but a messenger? Dr. Alison explores how comparison, when we pause to listen, can actually reveal our deepest longings and lead us back to connection with God, with others, and with ourselves. She explains why comparison is wired into us, what it’s trying to show us, and how to shift from competition to curiosity and compassion. This conversation invites you to slow down, notice what stirs inside you when comparison shows up, and remember: your story is unfolding at its own sacred pace. In this episode, we cover: Why comparison isn’t always toxic, and what it’s really telling you How to move from calibration to condemnation (and back again) The two types of comparison A simple three-step practice to use when you find yourself comparing 📥 Grab your 3 free Boundaries For Your Soul resources here 📥 Download Alison’s free printable with the five boundary tools when you sign up for her weekly email. Other episodes you might like : Episode 37: The Problem with Toxic Thinking Episode 140: If You Struggle with Guilt and Second-Guessing Yourself, This Will Set You Free 📖 Find a full transcript and list of resources from this episode here 💬 Got a question? Call 307-429-2525 and leave a message for a future episode. Thanks to our Sponsors! This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at betterhelp.com/BESTOFYOU and get on your way to being your best self. Black Friday has come early at Cozy Earth! Use my code BESTOFYOU at cozyearth.com to get up to 40% off. If you’re looking for a Bible that helps you live the Word, not just read it, then grab this beautiful one I’m currently using at NIVapplicationbible.com. Go to ⁠Quince.com/bestofyou⁠ for 365-day returns, plus free shipping on your order! *Some of the links above are Amazon affiliate links. If you choose to purchase through them, I may earn a small commission at no extra cost to you. While Dr. Cook is a counselor, the content of this podcast and any of the products provided by Dr. Cook are not specific counseling advice nor are they a substitute for individual counseling. The content and products provided on this podcast are for informational purposes only.‍ © 2025 Alison Cook. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. Please do not copy or share the contents of this webpage or transcript without permission from the author. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcript

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0:00.0	Sean has had some good ideas over the years.
0:05.0	But using Canva was a really good one.
0:08.0	Sean designed some social posts to promote his friend's car boot sale.
0:13.0	They looked good.
0:15.0	Really, really good.
0:17.0	Next thing he knows, someone came and bought the lot, including the car.
0:24.5	Now Sean doesn't know how he's going to get home.
0:28.0	Thanks, Canva.
0:30.0	Honestly, comparison is so often a longing for something that we see reflected in someone else. But that longing is so important for
0:40.8	us to pay attention to. Where comparison leads depends on how we relate to it. Again, it's not the
0:47.7	comparison in itself that's the problem. It's the fruit that it bears in your soul. When it's
0:53.7	healthy, it can help us tune
0:55.3	into our surroundings and find our place among others. But it's when we move from that calibration
1:01.2	to condemnation. When the goal shifts from connection to competition, that we start to lose
1:08.5	the grounding in who we are. What is this longing trying to show me?
1:13.4	What is it revealing about what matters most to my own soul? This show is brought to you by BetterHelp. As the days get shorter and the light fades a little
1:32.5	earlier, it's easy to feel the weight of the season. I've been reminding myself lately to reach out
1:37.2	to check in on friends I haven't seen in a while or to send that quick text that says, hey,
1:42.3	you've been on my mind. Shorter days don't have to feel dismal. Staying connected, whether it's calling a friend grabbing coffee or even writing a note, reminds us that we're not alone. And that same courage it takes to reach out to someone you care about, it's the same kind of courage it can take to reach out for therapy. And once you do, you often wonder, why didn't I do this sooner? That's where better help can help. They'll match you with a licensed therapist based on your needs and preferences, and you can switch therapists at any time. With over 30,000 licensed professionals and a 4.9 out of 5 average rating, it's one of the most trusted online therapy platforms in the world. This month, don't wait to reach out. Whether you're checking it on a friend or reaching out to a therapist yourself, BetterHelp makes it easier to take that first step. Our listeners get 10% off their
2:22.2	first month at betterhelp.com slash best of you. That's betterhelp.com slash best of you.
2:39.9	It's funny, how I can feel perfectly content with my life one minute, grateful even,
2:44.9	and then five minutes on Instagram later, I feel behind inadequate or invisible.
	...

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