182: Self-Esteem Culture, Therapy Culture, and the Case for Wholeness in Christ

The Best of You

Dr. Alison Cook

Mental Health, Health & Fitness

4.9 • 959 Ratings

🗓️ 30 October 2025

⏱️ 46 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

When insecurity takes over, most of us double down on self-improvement. But what if freedom doesn’t come from focusing more on yourself - but less? In this powerful conversation, Dr. Alison and author of Free of Me and Gazing at God, Sharon Hodde Miller, discuss the promises and pitfalls of self-esteem culture - and why a bigger story of belovedness, stewardship, and connection sets us free. We talk about how self-preoccupation doesn’t improve self-esteem, why “just love yourself more” can reinforce the problem, and how beholding God (not abandoning yourself) recenters your life with humility and purpose. In this episode, we cover: Why self-focus can erode your confidence and joy The difference between self-esteem and self-preoccupation What it means to de-center yourself without losing your worth How wounds can masquerade as pride or insecurity The freedom that comes from remembering: you are not the hero of the story Get your hands on a copy of Sharon's books! You can find them here: 📚Free of Me: Why Life Is Better When It's Not about You 📚Gazing at God: A 40-Day Journey to Greater Freedom from Self Here are some other episodes you might like : Episode 99: I Shouldn’t Feel Like My Spirit is Broken Episode 67: The Inextricable Link Between Faith & Emotional Healing with Cindy Gao 📖 Find a full transcript and list of resources from this episode here 💬 Got a question? Call 307-429-2525 and leave a message for a future episode. Thanks to our Sponsors! Go to ⁠Quince.com/bestofyou⁠ for 365-day returns, plus free shipping on your order! If you’re looking for a Bible that helps you live the Word, not just read it, then grab this beautiful one I’m currently using at NIVapplicationbible.com. *Some of the links above are Amazon affiliate links. If you choose to purchase through them, I may earn a small commission at no extra cost to you. While Dr. Cook is a counselor, the content of this podcast and any of the products provided by Dr. Cook are not specific counseling advice nor are they a substitute for individual counseling. The content and products provided on this podcast are for informational purposes only.‍ © 2025 Alison Cook. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. Please do not copy or share the contents of this webpage or transcript without permission from the author. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcript

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0:00.0	The issue is that I had taken something that was meant to be about God and I had made it about me.
0:06.0	And it started to crush me as a result.
0:09.0	Was there a moment or a season of your life where you realized that your faith was becoming too much about you
0:17.0	that prompted you to write free of me, that prompted you to move in this direction.
0:21.6	We need to be reminded that, no, in fact, God is the hero of the story.
0:26.6	You are not the center of it. It does not rise and fall on your shoulders.
0:29.6	And that is a much freer way to live.
0:32.6	When you make yourself the center of the story, whether it's your marriage or your parenting
0:38.1	or your job or in my case my ministry it then turns that thing into a referendum on
0:44.9	your value and on your worst when that thing is going well then you feel great but as
0:49.9	soon as that thing is not going well, your confidence just falls through the floor.
1:03.0	Hey, everyone, and welcome back to this week's episode of The Best of You.
1:06.7	I'm so glad you're here with me this week.
1:09.8	I have a fantastic conversation for us today. It's with
1:14.3	my new friend Sharon Hottie Miller. She's amazing. Sharon is an author. She's a teacher. She's the
1:20.8	co-paster of Bright City Church with her husband Ike. She's the mom of three amazing kids. And she's
1:27.4	the author of four books,
1:28.7	including two that we're going to talk about today. The first one is called Free of Me,
1:32.7	why life is better when it's not about you, and gazing at God. And you'll see in today's
1:38.5	conversation, the work that I do and the work that Sharon does is really similar, but we
1:43.4	comment things from a very different
1:45.2	angle, right? My background's in psychology. So I tend to start with the self, even though I believe
	...

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