181. Sex Talks With Social Media’s Sex Educators - Vanessa and Xander Marin

You Are Not Broken

Kelly Casperson, MD

Medicine, Health & Fitness

5 • 743 Ratings

🗓️ 16 October 2022

⏱️ 53 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

Vanessa’s a licensed psychotherapist with 20 years of experience in the sex therapy field. Xander’s a regular dude who’s been married to a sex therapist for over a decade Their hot take on desire. Their top three causes of low libido that they see 1) Painful sex 2) Unpleasurable sex 3) Relationship issues “Our libido gets affected by everything in our lives” – Vanessa Marin “Is my life actually supporting my libido?” – Vanessa Marin Let’s talk about initiation – tips, couples get stuck in old scripts that stop working as relationships change “You get rejected once and you think you are unlovable” – Dr. Casperson “initiation should feel like an invitation” – Vanessa “Initiation takes a large amount of vulnerability” – Vanessa “There are a lot of unhealthy gender dynamics that come up with initiation” – Xander Marin According to their online poll, only 2% of breast owners like the “boob honk” as a way to initiate sex. Spouses who avoid talking about sex – they are writing a book! What to do when a partner stonewalls the conversation – don’t start with the problems. Connected to feel like sex or sex to feel connected – often one of each in a partnership At what point should couples consider bringing in a therapist? How to find out how much sex is “right” for someone’s relationship Woman says – he doesn’t care about my pleasure – what to do? Vibrator envy – help for the woman when the partner doesn’t understand and being able to advocate for your pleasure. Consent and the problem of “I just do it for him” Avoiding sex because of erectile dysfunction. They help us trouble shoot. 2023 new book! Sex Talks: The 5 Conversations That Will Transform Your Love Life Hardcover – February 7, 2023 https://www.instagram.com/vanessamarintherapy/ https://vmtherapy.com https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/pillow-talks/id1569466131?i=1000577319619 Sex Talks Book: Pre-Order - https://amzn.to/3CR8OT9 Did you get the You Are Not Broken Book Yet? https://amzn.to/3p18DfK Join my membership to get these episodes ASAP when they are created and without advertisement and even listen live to the interviews and episodes. www.kellycaspersonmd.com/membership Our podcast sponsor is Bonafide Bonafide products help women embrace the natural changes that occur throughout all phases of life. Discount code for 20% off: NOTBROKEN Sales link: https://hellobonafide.com/notbroken --- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/kj-casperson/message Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcript

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0:00.0	You are listening to You Are Not Broken, the only podcast that combines science, medicine, and psychology to re-educate your brain and help you live your best love life. And I'm your host, board-certified female urologist, Dr. Kelly Casperson.
0:16.1	Hey friends, I'm back again with a very exciting episode. I have Vanessa and Zander Marin.
0:21.5	Vanessa's a licensed psychotherapist with 20 years of experience in the sex therapy field,
0:25.4	and Zander's her regular dude. I love how you market yourself. You're like, just the dude
0:29.5	who's been married to a sex therapist, who's Vanessa, for over a decade. Thank you guys so much
0:34.6	for coming on. Yeah, thanks for having us. We're excited to be here.
0:39.0	Awesome. You guys have an amazing social media. Like your Instagram is big time.
0:44.4	When did you realize like you can reach, because you're, I don't want to assume, but you were
0:48.1	probably like doing your sex therapy thing and then realizing like there's way more people
0:52.2	who need help. Oh yeah. yeah, absolutely. I mean,
0:55.9	we actually for a very long time, we did not like social media. We felt like, you know, who's
1:01.6	going to want to follow us? This was back in the day when you could really see like how other
1:06.4	people's accounts, what they were interacting with, who they were following and commenting and
1:10.0	stuff. So we thought, gosh, nobody's going to want to have their friends and family, see that they're
1:14.6	following a sex therapist account. So we had a very sterile presence there for a long time.
1:21.0	Oh, yeah. And finally turned the corner like around 2020 and realize, you know what, we want to have
1:25.9	fun with this and show up as ourselves
1:28.2	and not be so focused on, for me in particular, like trying to come across is very, very
1:33.1	professional and have all my stuff together. Yeah, I think it was when we started doing stuff more
1:38.3	together that I think that opened the doors for people to be like, oh, this feels, this feels like
1:43.3	safe and fun to comment on and share
1:46.1	because it's more like we're talking about relationship stuff and not just about sex.
	...

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