177: What's Actually Happening In An Avoidant's Brain When They Pull Away W/ Chris Lee

The Sabrina Zohar Show

Mental Health, Education, Relationships, Self-improvement, Society & Culture, Health & Fitness

4.9 • 4.8K Ratings

🗓️ 12 December 2025

⏱️ 56 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

Neuroscientist Chris Lee joins me to break down what’s really happening in the brain when someone pulls away, shuts down, or spirals. We cover avoidance as a regulation strategy, why anxious activation hits so hard, and how state–story–strategy explains your patterns better than any TikTok soundbite. If you struggle with mixed signals, overthinking, or reacting fast in dating, this episode gives you clear, science-backed answers.

We also get into emotional availability, communication during conflict, and how to create safety without overfunctioning. You’ll learn how to recognize your patterns, rebuild trust in yourself, and stop taking someone else’s regulation personally. Whether you’re dating or partnered, this conversation helps you understand connection with far more clarity.

Learn more: https://www.drchrislee.com/

If you’re ready to slow down, trust your instincts, and break your old dating patterns, the Healthy Relationship Foundations Course walks you through it step-by-step HERE!

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Transcript

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0:00.0	Hello, hello, hello, and welcome to another episode of the Sabrina Zohar Show. My name is Sabrina Zohar, and I am your host. Happy Friday, Babes. Welcome back. We have a very special guest today. One of my favorite humans on the planet, Chris Lee is here, and he is my favorite neuroscientist. Sorry, Nicole. Love all of them. But we're going to talk about what's actually happening in an avoidance
0:21.0	brain when they pull away. What is emotionally available? What are triggers in a relationship? How do they show up? And we're going to give you the science, which is very exciting. Guys, if you need anything, everything's on the link in show notes. You can join the Healthy Foundation course, work one-on-one, ask a question, or just be here with us in the community. Don't forget to rate and review the show, follow along and subscribe, and share it with a friend. All right,
0:40.4	babes. Without further ado, let's get right on into it, shall we? What's up, Chris? What's up? Welcome to the show. Thank you. And thank you for hosting me. Like, I've had such a good time the past couple days. Okay, before we get into all the fun stuff, can you please introduce yourself for the audience?
0:53.6	Give us your background, who the fuck you are. What do you do?
0:56.1	What the fuck are?. What do you do?
0:56.0	What the fuck are? Yeah. So my name is Chris. And like so many people, I let my trauma inform
1:01.8	my career. I didn't think I would be here. I didn't think I would be doing things like this.
1:06.5	And it all started about eight years ago. Eight years ago, I had a series of things completely changed the trajectory of my life.
1:14.3	I thought that I was going to go into practice and do the doctor things and have, you know, the white picket fence and, you know, all the expectations of a young man.
1:21.7	And that definitely wasn't what happened.
1:24.4	Within six months, I got hit by a car in the midst of, yeah, my doctorate program, lost my dad to suicide about a month later.
1:34.3	And then about two months later, I found out that I was going to be a dad.
1:38.3	All of this in my early 20s is trying to figure some things out.
1:43.3	And I was left broken, hurt,
1:46.9	traumatized, all the things without any like tools or skills or coping mechanisms and quickly
1:52.6	realized that how my dad had made a choice to leave was not something that I wanted to inherit.
1:59.9	It wasn't something that I wanted to have in my own life.
2:01.8	It wasn't something that I wanted to even pass along or start to consider the idea of passing
2:06.4	like generational trauma down to my daughter either. So I made a huge shift in my career. And I went back to
2:13.4	school for neuroscience, trying to get answers for what happened and what's going on inside
2:17.8	of my body. What the fuck are these emotions? What do you do with an emotion? Because like, most
2:22.8	men, we got the three Hs, happy, hungry, and horny. And I'm like, oh, there's more emotions
	...

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