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Money For Couples with Ramit Sethi

17. “I think he should pay for everything because he’s the man”

Money For Couples with Ramit Sethi

Ramit Sethi

Investing, Society & Culture, Relationships, Business

0.00 Ratings

🗓️ 9 November 2021

⏱️ 51 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

Monique is very open with what she wants in a relationship. “I always expected that fairytale love, the guy pays for everything, the guy opens the door, the guy waits to kiss me at the end of the night...” But her boyfriend, Pablo, disagrees. He feels taken advantage of. He shares the story of Monique ordering a $10 soup in a restaurant when he wasn’t even eating, then both of them staring at the bill to see who would pay for it. Their beliefs come from their upbringing and very specific personal experiences. For Monique, she believes Pablo should pay because of how she was raised. At one point, she says it’s his job to pursue her. Pablo wants to split things “fairly” down the middle, saying he wants a “partner.” Their opposing money lenses lead to awkward exchanges at restaurants when the check arrives. For Monique, him paying for a $10 soup is symbolic of being “taken care of.” Pablo doesn’t think it’s fair. He says he would prefer she did the “fake check dance” before he steps up to “be the gentleman.” How many invisible scripts can you spot? What does your reaction to the situation say about your relationship with money?   I walked into this episode pretty confident about what would happen. I was wrong. Connect with Ramit Website Instagram Twitter Facebook YouTube Linkedin If you and your partner have a money issue and you want my help, I occasionally select a couple to work with, free of charge. Apply for my help here. Produced by Crate Media.

Transcript

Click on a timestamp to play from that location

0:00.0

I did expect him to pick up Bill when we sat there for like half an hour.

0:09.0

I was like I'm not gonna pay for her. I have a drop of her suit. She should pay for it.

0:14.0

There have been many instances where we've wanted to break up and we have broken up for days

0:19.0

because of the incompatibilities and tensions, but our attraction and willingness to try to fight for each other

0:26.0

and be with each other has always brought us back.

0:29.0

I thought he could do more since he is older, more money, more experienced.

0:35.0

Do you think that your worldview for your relationship is compatible with hers?

0:44.0

No.

0:48.0

Welcome to The I Will Teach You To Be Rich Podcast. I'm Rameet Saytee

0:52.0

and today I'm speaking to Pablo and Monique.

0:56.0

Today's episode has different incomes, different ages, gender issues, cultural expectations,

1:03.0

and big communication challenges.

1:06.0

This is the kind of stuff we all talk about behind closed doors,

1:10.0

but we rarely get to hear a real couple talk about it in detail until today.

1:18.0

Pablo is 33 years old and he makes $103,000 per year.

1:24.0

Monique is 23 and she makes $33,000 a year.

1:29.0

They've been dating for five years, but they fundamentally disagree on money.

1:34.0

Monique believes Pablo should pay for everything.

1:38.0

As she puts it, he's older, he's more established, and it's what she grew up seeing.

1:45.0

Pablo feels differently, he feels taken advantage of,

1:48.0

and you're going to hear some unbelievable stories today, like that soup story.

1:53.0

Now I walked into this episode with a pretty good idea of what was going on,

...

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