#147 - Should You Have Sex With Your Ex?

Love, Happiness and Success with Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

Marriage, Mental Health, Success, Emotionalintelligence, Selfhelp, Wellness, Mentalhealth, Selfimprovement, Career, Health, Society & Culture, Careerdevelopment, Mindfulness, Lifeadvice, Dating, Parenting, Breakups, Relationships, Productivity, Positive, Happiness, Goals, Health & Fitness, Communication

4.6 • 849 Ratings

🗓️ 25 March 2019

⏱️ 58 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

It's so, so hard to let go...

In the aftermath of a breakup or even divorce, many people continue on with their Ex in quasi-relationship "situationships." Living with their Ex, having sex with an Ex, being hang-out buddies with an Ex, or texting back and forth with an Ex are all common.

While this is understandable, it's also destructive. As a therapist, marriage counselor, and breakup recovery expert, I have had a ring-side seat to many, many relationships, divorces and breakup recovery situations. I've spoken to the broken hearted, as well as to their Exes and have learned a lot about why.

On this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I'm sharing my perspective on:

Why people going through breakups often do self-destructive things in order to maintain their connection with their Ex
Why having sex with an Ex is always damaging (but only to one of you)
The power dynamics at work in every breakup
How your Ex really feels about hooking up with you
What post-breakup purgatory is really about… and what it does to your self esteem
The magical thinking that people going through breakups are vulnerable to
How to cut the cord and set yourself free

All the best,

Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

Ps: We discussed a number of resources in this episode. Here are the links to learn more:

Transcript

Click on a timestamp to play from that location

0:00.0	This is Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby, and you're listening to the Love, Happiness, and Success Podcast.
0:06.7	Our memory only lasts as long as you let it.
0:18.9	But if only I could take you out of my mind
0:23.6	I wouldn't need you know I could forget it
0:30.6	But I don't know if I could do that I don't know if I could do that. I don't know if I want to.
0:39.3	I've lost my bearings in my heart.
0:43.3	I don't think I could lose you too.
0:46.3	So stay, even though you don't want to.
0:51.3	Just stay, even though you say you don't care.
0:59.6	That is Moschumi with stay.
1:03.9	I was looking around for a song that would capture the emotional poignance of being in a situation that kind of is and kind
1:15.9	isn't. Somebody who is really longing for connection and wanting to stay involved with their
1:23.4	ex in some form or fashion, but who knows that on some level it's not good for them.
1:29.8	Their ex is not in the same place emotionally.
1:32.7	And they kind of know that this is probably bad for them, but they cannot help themselves.
1:37.8	That's what we're talking about on this episode of the Love, Happiness, and Success podcast.
1:43.5	And I'll warn you, I'm entitling this,
1:45.7	should you have sex with your ex, because that's just very pithy and it sounds good.
1:50.1	However, as usual on the show, we are going to be diving into the complexities of this situation.
1:57.8	Because, you know, on the one hand, people can and do have sex with their ex.
2:02.4	But there are so many shades of gray when it comes to remaining involved with your ex, remaining
2:11.4	involved emotionally, being friends with an ex, spending time with an ex, texting your ex, living with your ex.
	...

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