1359: Lotioning My Mother’s Back by Ama Codjoe

The Slowdown: Poetry & Reflection Daily

American Public Media

Arts, Performing Arts

4.8 • 1.2K Ratings

🗓️ 24 September 2025

⏱️ 6 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

Today’s poem is Lotioning My Mother’s Back by Ama Codjoe.

The Slowdown is your daily poetry ritual. In this episode, Maggie writes… “The world feels like a hard place right now—a not very soft and tender place. In times that feel difficult, it’s tempting to retreat, to harden ourselves, to “numb out.” But I think, more and more, that tenderness is what we need—toward one another, and toward ourselves. We need touch. We need connection. We need soft places to land. We need to hold on to one another.”

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Transcript

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0:00.0	I'm Maggie Smith, and this is The Slowdown.
0:18.9	I've been thinking a lot about tenderness, how the smallest gestures can make us feel so much.
0:28.4	Someone you love kissing your forehead, reaching for your hand, or rubbing the small of your back in a calming, reassuring way.
0:39.1	A neighbor waving and saying good morning.
0:43.0	A stranger simply making eye contact and smiling when you're in line at the grocery store
0:50.1	or finding your seat on an airplane.
0:53.9	These small intimacies don't feel small at all.
0:58.2	They feel enormous.
1:00.5	I read something recently that said when you hug your children, never be the one to pull away first.
1:09.3	Let them decide when the hug is over. In other words,
1:14.0	hold them as long as they'll let you. I've been mindful about that and I've been practicing it,
1:21.2	and I was surprised to find that my kids hold on for longer than I'd expected. It's a beautiful thing to just stand in the kitchen
1:31.2	and hold someone for as long as they'll let you. In fact, hugs aren't just good for our
1:38.1	relationships with others, helping us bond and connect. They're good for us as individuals. Research suggests that a good
1:48.7	long hug, a hug that's over 20 seconds, increases oxytocin, commonly called the love hormone.
1:58.8	A long hug also decreases our stress hormones. So maybe we should be
2:04.9	holding on longer to the adults in our lives too. Lovers, friends, parents, siblings,
2:12.9	why not hold on to the people you love for as long as they'll let you.
2:18.5	The world feels like a hard place right now, a not very soft and tender place.
2:26.4	In times that feel difficult, it's tempting to retreat, to harden ourselves, to numb out.
2:34.6	But I think more and more that tenderness is what we need,
2:40.4	toward one another and toward ourselves.
	...

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