1288: Surviving Spiritual Abuse and Suicidality at BYU-Idaho Faculty - Ryan Nielsen Pt. 2
Mormon Stories Podcast
Dr. John Dehlin
4.5 • 5.7K Ratings
🗓️ 6 April 2020
⏱️ 67 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
For today’s Mormon Stories Podcast episode we interview Ryan Nielsen and Holly Parson Nielsen, who were both raised as devout Mormons in Rexburg, Idaho. After marriage, Ryan worked as full-time BYU-Idaho faculty for twelve years in the Department of Music, while Holly taught middle school art.
Important themes for this episode include:
- Ryan's perfectionism and guilt/shame as a Mormon youth.
- Holly's closeted feminism as a Mormon youth and adult.
- Holly and Ryan learning to listen to their own inner voices, which also involved navigating a religious faith crisis.
- Navigating BYU-Idaho while one is full time faculty, and in a mixed-faith marriage. This story includes harassment from bishopric over maintaining continuing faculty endorsement (mostly related to Holly’s resignation from the Mormon church.
- An insider’s view of BYU-Idaho administration, including difficulties dealing with BYU-Idaho executives related to Title IX issues (e.g., sexual misconduct of Mormon ecclesiastical leaders towards BYU-Idaho students and faculty).
- Navigating and healing from religion-based depression, including suicidality.
- Deconstructing Mormon literalism and reconstructing a nuanced worldview.
- Learning to choose love over ideas.
- Ryan's AMAZING faith crisis/transition Reading/Podcast list can be found here, and has also been included below, after the video and audio links. This is probably the most impressive and thoughtful resources list I've ever seen for Mormon/religious faith transitions.
- Holly's Art: https://www.artbyholly.com/abstract.html -- This link goes straight to the art Holly has done related to her faith transition, and her reclamation of motherhood.
- Ryan's Music: http://www.ryannielsenmusic.com/music -- This link goes straight to the music portion of Ryan's website. Several pieces there are related to my faith transition, including "Prayer for Peace" and "Requiem."
- Support Ryan! Ryan has written a 9 movement suite that explores his experience of a faith crisis, through the lens of the life of Elijah Abel. It's time to get this recorded. Ryan has created a GoFundMe campaign to raise funds for the project. Please support this worthy project!
Transcript
Click on a timestamp to play from that location
| 0:00.0 | Thank you for joining us today on Mormon Stories podcast. |
| 0:08.1 | If you value this podcast and want to see it continue, please become a monthly supporter |
| 0:12.4 | at MormonStories.org. |
| 0:13.4 | This is everything. |
| 0:14.4 | It's perfect. |
| 0:15.4 | 13 years ago. |
| 0:16.4 | This is 13 years ago. |
| 0:17.4 | So now you have your dream job with your dad. |
| 0:21.0 | Everything is perfect. |
| 0:22.0 | You know, it's hard to get on to BYU. |
| 0:24.4 | So hard. |
| 0:25.4 | And you're doing exactly what you love and you're supposed to be happy and thrilled. |
| 0:28.5 | You're married. |
| 0:29.5 | You have a dream and then you have this young and dream saying, get out. |
| 0:33.7 | And how do you get out? |
| 0:34.7 | Like, once you're at BYU, it's hard to jump to other universities. |
| 0:38.7 | You kind of cash that chip in. |
| 0:41.3 | There aren't a lot of people going from BYU Idaho to other great university positions. |
| 0:45.3 | Right. |
| 0:46.3 | So like, I imagine you felt trapped. |
| 0:49.6 | Well, what I did is I shut, again, I shut that down. |
| 0:53.4 | Like I was not going to face. |
... |
Please login to see the full transcript.
Disclaimer: The podcast and artwork embedded on this page are from Dr. John Dehlin, and are the property of its owner and not affiliated with or endorsed by Tapesearch.
Generated transcripts are the property of Dr. John Dehlin and are distributed freely under the Fair Use doctrine. Transcripts generated by Tapesearch are not guaranteed to be accurate.
Copyright © Tapesearch 2026.

