126: The "Advanced" Secrets of Effective Communication

Feeling Good Podcast | TEAM-CBT - The New Mood Therapy

David Burns, MD

Clinical, Therapy, Anxiety, Psychotherapy, Depression, Health & Fitness, Cognitive, Mentalhealth, Mental Health, Behavior, Education, Self-improvement, Psychology, Relationships, Addiction, Happiness, Personalgrowth

4.4 • 856 Ratings

🗓️ 4 February 2019

⏱️ 27 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

Learning to use the Five Secrets skillfully requires strong motivation and lots of practice, but the benefits can be tremendous. The Five Secrets have transformed my clinical work as well as my personal and professional relationships. And they’ve also had a huge impact on my teaching.

But there are even more communication techniques that can be immensely helpful. In this podcast, we discuss three advanced techniques:

Changing the Focus. This technique can be tremendously helpful when there’s an “elephant” in the room.
Multiple Choice Empathy. This technique can be transformative when you’re trying to connect with a teenager, friend or loved one who refuses to talk to you.
Positive Reframing. This technique can be invaluable when you’re fighting with a colleague, patient, friend or family member, and you’re both feeling frustrated, angry, and upset.

David emphasizes that these techniques may look easy, but they are actually difficult to learn and require lots of practice as well as the mindset of humility, as well as a strong desire to develop a more loving relationships with the person you’re not getting along with.

People who are serious about learning can read Feeling Good Together and do the written exercises while you read!

Transcript

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0:00.0	Hello and welcome to the Feeling Good podcast.
0:12.4	I am your host, Fabrice Nye.
0:14.7	And joining me here in the Murrieta Studios is Dr. David Burns.
0:19.0	Hi, David.
0:20.0	Hi, Fabrice.
0:23.8	Dr. David Burns has been a pioneer in the development of cognitive therapy, and he is the creator of the new team therapy. He is the author of
0:30.2	Feeling Good, which has sold over 5 million copies in the United States, and has been translated into
0:35.5	over 20 languages. He is an emeritus adjunct clinical professor
0:40.0	of psychiatry at the Stanford University School of Medicine. Welcome to episode 126 of the
0:46.8	Feeling Good podcast. We've talked about the five secrets of effective communication. We've done a number
0:53.5	of episodes on those. The main series of episodes communication, we've done a number of episodes on those.
0:55.1	The main series of episodes started with number 65, all the way to 70, and we've used those
1:02.2	in other episodes as well. Those are like the main five secrets, but we also have some
1:09.6	advanced secrets. I'll put the word secrets in quotes. And the ones we're
1:15.4	going to talk about are, A, changing the focus, B, multiple choice empathy, and C, positive reframing.
1:24.9	Did I cover them all, David? Yep. Yep. All right. So let's start with
1:29.0	changing the focus. Well, let me just start at an even more primitive level here.
1:33.8	Then we'll dive into changing the focus. The, of all the things that we teach,
1:39.4	I would say the five secrets of effective communication, as well as what we're going to teach today,
1:46.0	is the hardest, these are some of the hardest things to learn.
1:50.7	And it's almost like we're showing you how to play the piano.
1:55.4	And so we'll sit down and it looks real easy.
	...

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