120 How To Engage Someone's Story Part 4

The Place We Find Ourselves

Adam Young

Hope, Christian, Christianity, Healing, Story, Trauma, Psychotherapy, Mental Health, Restoration, Heart, Sexualabuse, Health & Fitness, Adamyoung, Therapy, Attachment, Interpersonalneurobiology, Religion & Spirituality, Limbicsystem, Neuroscience

4.8 • 2.5K Ratings

🗓️ 1 August 2022

⏱️ 35 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

This is the final episode in a four-part series on how to engage another person’s story. We conclude by looking at the final seven tactics for effective story engagement. Tactic 6: Continually bring your dialogue with the storyteller back to the story they have shared. Tactic 7: Identify the storyteller’s feeling of complicity in their abuse. Tactic 8: This is going to sound both odd and wrong: you have to amplify the storyteller’s shame. Tactic 9: Notice when the storyteller turns on themselves… and name it. Tactic 10: Invite the storyteller to feel their grief. Tactic 11: Use data points from their story to build a case. Tactic 12: Explore their posture toward the boy or girl in the story.

Transcript

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0:00.0	Welcome back to the place we find ourselves podcast. I'm Adam Young and this is the final episode
0:06.5	in a four-part series on how to engage another person's story. In part three, we looked at the first five
0:14.8	tactics of story engagement. Today, we will complete the series by looking at the final seven tactics
0:22.6	to keep in mind when you are engaging someone's story. These are very specific things that you need
0:28.9	to do as you are engaging with somebody who has just shared a story. Now, before teaching these
0:35.2	final six tactics, I'd like to invite you to please consider supporting the podcast financially
0:42.0	if it has been helpful to you. The way you can do that is go to my website and click on support
0:48.0	the podcast and there are a couple of options for making a donation. Thank you for considering it.
0:54.4	Also, this is the final episode of season six. I do 20 episodes each season and this is the final
1:03.4	episode of season six. So as usual, I will take a couple of months off in between seasons so that I
1:11.2	can create new content. Okay, tactic six of engaging another person's story is this. You want to
1:22.1	continually bring your dialogue with the storyteller back to the story they have shared.
1:32.4	As the two of you begin talking, there will be pressure to move away from the story that they
1:40.0	have shared. Your task in part is to bring the dialogue back to the story, back to the details of
1:51.4	the story. You want to stay with the story. When you feel lost in a particular story engagement,
1:59.5	it's not going well and you just kind of feel lost. You don't know where you are. Here is a sure
2:04.4	fire way to get back on track. Return to a specific moment in the story. That'll get you back on track
2:16.0	almost every time very quickly. The storyteller is going to try various things to distract you
2:24.0	from the story they have just told. Okay, all right, they will start talking about how hard their
2:29.5	marriage is or what a terrible mother they are or how they feel abandoned by God. You know, anything
2:35.7	and everything to distract you from engaging with the boy or girl in the story they have just
2:43.6	shared. And your task is to continually bring them back to that boy or girl in the story.
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