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This is optimal living daily episode 1198 how to keep emotions from running your life by David Kane of Raptitude dot com.

And I'm just a mallock your very own personal narrator today and every day. It's not a typical podcast there are no interviews and it's short almost almost fewer than 10 minutes.

If you're new here listening from oldpodcast.com or YouTube, there are lots of ways to listen for free on the go. The most convenient is from a smartphone using pretty much any free podcast app.

I'll share a bunch of ways to listen at the end, but for now let's get right to the post and start optimizing your life.

How to keep emotions from running your life by David Kane of Raptitude dot com.

The worst period of my life ended shortly after I made a key discovery. Most of the difficult experiences in my life arose directly from my desperate need to avoid difficult experiences.

At the time, I was flunking in school. I was a bad student because I avoided asking for help or revisiting concepts I hadn't grasped the first time.

I avoided those things precisely because they made me feel like a bad student. It was a perfectly self-defeating strategy, but of course I didn't realize what I was doing until later.

I had inadvertently made certain emotional experiences in particular the feeling of being seen as incompetent, so unacceptable that I do anything to avoid them, which is precisely why they continue to dominate my life.

The light came when I discovered a simple principle that sometimes is described as exposure therapy.

You experiment a bit at a time with letting yourself feel the things you're afraid to feel and watch them lose their power over you.

We think about our feelings so that we don't have to feel them.

I was a particularly hard case, but we all do this to some extent. We empower certain difficult emotions by trying to never feel them.

The effect can snowball until it becomes crippling.

Desperately avoiding the experience of embarrassment, for example, leads to habits of extreme shyness.

This only further stigmatizes embarrassment and stunts the social skills that can prevent it or mitigate it.

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