103 - Friday Fix: Why Compliments Make You Cringe

The Verywell Mind Podcast

Dotdash Media Inc.

Health & Fitness, Self-improvement, Mental Health, Education

5 • 703 Ratings

🗓️ 10 September 2021

⏱️ 8 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

On the surface, it seems like hearing nice things about yourself would help you feel good. After all, don’t you want to know if your colleague thinks you’re brilliant or the person you’re dating thinks you’re attractive? If hearing a compliment actually makes you feel uncomfortable, though, you’re not alone. Most people actually cringe when they hear a compliment about themselves. In an attempt to alleviate the awkwardness, we tend to deflect compliments. Consequently, we miss out on the benefits of hearing praise. Fortunately, you can grow more comfortable with hearing nice things about yourself. But first, you have to understand why you don’t want to hear compliments. So in this Friday Fix, I share the four main reasons compliments make us cringe, the three ways we try to deflect compliments, and the things you can do to get more comfortable hearing nice things about yourself. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Transcript

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0:00.0	Welcome to the Very Well Mind podcast. We've interviewed over 100 authors, experts, entrepreneurs, athletes, musicians, and others to help you learn strategies to care for your mental health.
0:22.9	This episode is hosted by psychotherapist and bestselling author Amy Morin. Now let's get into the episode.
0:45.7	Okay. You're listening to the Friday fix.
0:50.5	Every Friday, I share a quick mental strength exercise that will help fix the thoughts,
0:54.8	emotions, and actions that drain you of the mental strength you need to be your best.
1:02.2	Do compliments make you cringe? If so, this episode is for you. I'm talking about why most of us really don't like hearing nice things about ourselves and what to do about it. It's a really weird
1:07.5	concept though, right? You'd think that you'd love to hear it when your
1:10.9	coworkers say, great job on that presentation, or that you'd be happy when your friend introduces
1:16.3	you as the best singer ever. But you might find yourself wishing the other person didn't say those
1:21.9	things because it feels awkward and embarrassing. So let's talk about why this happens,
1:27.3	and then I'll share what you can do
1:28.7	about it. Here are the four main reasons why compliments might make you cringe. Number one,
1:35.1	you have low self-esteem. So there's a study published in the Journal of Experimental Social
1:40.3	Psychology that found that people with low self-esteem have the most difficulty accepting
1:45.6	a compliment. If you think that you're somehow flawed or you believe that you aren't good enough,
1:51.1	then you're going to have trouble understanding why someone else says something really kind about you.
1:55.9	And unfortunately, if you have low self-esteem, compliments aren't likely to help you feel better about yourself.
2:01.9	Even worse, if those kind words come from a romantic partner, then hearing words of praise
2:07.3	might actually damage your relationship. You have to decide, is my partner lying to me?
2:12.7	Because you aren't going to believe what they say. And number two, your self-image just doesn't line up. Another reason why
2:19.7	compliments feel uncomfortable is because the words you hear don't line up with the way you see
2:24.7	yourself. In the psychology world, we call this cognitive dissonance. So let's say a coworker says,
	...

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