As Nigel opened his Amazon parcel, it was in love at first sight, sleek design and effortless cornering.

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Five stars from Nigel.

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What if I told you that once on wrestling television, a male wrestler hopped into a box

beside a female interviewer with the implication being that he was caressing his own courgette,

much to the interviewer's disgust.

What kind of promotion would you say that that might happen in?

What kind of era might that happen in?

One with Mae Young giving birth to a hand and Jerry Lawler commenting every single line like a horny teenager perhaps?

Oh my friends, you have so much to learn.

I'm Andy from What Culture Wrestling and you are 10 times TNA went further than the WWE Attitude Era.

Number 10.

wrestler diddles himself in a bin.

Popped the cycle dwarf was the name of the aforementioned trashcan stoker in this segment.

Interviewed by Goldilocks in TNA in 2002, remember that year because it's going to come up a lot.

He claimed he was, erm, meditating while the act was going on.

Soundtracked by the furious sound of his fist, budding against the plastic.

I don't know what kind of meditation that man's into, but I've never heard of this one.

Anyway, his excited face twisted in pleasure, looking a lot like what Vince McMahon probably resembles when it's time to burry one of your favourites.

All I ask dear friends is that you don't repeat my mistake and seek this segment out online.

I'm literally scarred for life now.

...