#057: Hitman Job Interview

The Shallow End

John Elliott and Lindsay Schnebly

Society & Culture, Comedy, History

4.9 • 612 Ratings

🗓️ 5 July 2023

⏱️ 34 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

In this episode, we explore two intriguing stories that showcase the remarkable ways in which fate has its own way of serving justice. Join us as we explore the repercussions of illegal parking and the astonishing account of a failed wannabe hitman that leaves us questioning human intelligence. First, we uncover the tale of a man who repeatedly flouted parking regulations, callously occupying handicapped spots without a care for those in need. Little did he know that his actions would trigger a chain of events that would eventually lead to his downfall. We follow the journey of karma catching up with this stubborn individual, revealing the surprising twists and turns that ultimately teach him a powerful lesson about empathy, respect, and the consequences of his choices. But that's not all - we then venture into the realm of extraordinary incompetence with the mind-boggling story of the world's dumbest would-be assassin. Prepare to be astounded as we recount the shocking missteps, laughable blunders, and unbelievable lack of basic skills that resulted in one of history's most hilariously failed hitman job interviews. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcript

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0:00.0	It began long ago.
0:03.3	Two young boys in an American town riding their bikes to school and Little League practice.
0:09.2	Over the years, the boys became fast friends, united in their love for stories where things would go horribly wrong.
0:18.4	Pour yourself a strong beverage and buckle up. You're in the shallow end with
0:23.6	Schneppley and Toff. So, Lynn, the last episode that we recorded for the Box of Oddities,
0:27.8	we were talking about how it's been so hot here in Florida that I've become chafed in a,
0:34.4	well, sensitive area. Enough said. And so to get through the episode, I actually took my pants off and recorded that episode,
0:43.4	Pantsless.
0:44.4	Now, the chafing is much, much better.
0:46.9	But I learned during that process that I really enjoy recording without pants.
0:52.5	So I hope you don't mind.
0:54.0	No. I'm naked from the waist down.
0:56.3	Listen, whatever gets you through the ride, pal. I just wanted you to know. We're close this way.
1:00.8	We have a trusting relationship. I felt like I could tell you. I'm glad you said something.
1:06.0	And it's ironic because I'm actually wearing two pairs of pants today. So interesting. Between us, we both have one pair of pants each. What prompted you to wear two pairs of
1:15.7	slacks? I just thought I'm, you know, I like these khakis. I'm going to, I'm going to pull
1:20.2	another pair on. Okay. Because if I look good in this pair, maybe I'll feel twice as as handsome. If one's good, too, it's got to be better.
1:30.3	Anything worth doing is worth overdoing. I think Stephen Tyler is, uh, Vermehrosmith is the one who coined
1:35.9	that. Interesting.
1:37.8	Episode 57, is it, uh, is it your turn to go first? It is. It is, my friend. Hit me.
1:42.8	Dave was a man of questionable decisions.
1:45.0	He had a rap sheet that mostly consisted of parking tickets, but a lot of outstanding
	...

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