017: Ask David — Dare to be “average”—The perfectionist’s script for self-defeat

Feeling Good Podcast | TEAM-CBT - The New Mood Therapy

David Burns, MD

Clinical, Therapy, Anxiety, Psychotherapy, Depression, Health & Fitness, Cognitive, Mentalhealth, Mental Health, Behavior, Education, Self-improvement, Psychology, Relationships, Addiction, Happiness, Personalgrowth

4.4 • 856 Ratings

🗓️ 2 January 2017

⏱️ 23 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

David answers a challenging question posed by a listener:

Dear Dr. David:

In your Feeling Good Handbook, you suggest that the reader just allows himself or herself to be an ordinary person instead of trying to be perfect. Contrary to your opinion in the book, you're an outstanding therapist in reality. You’ve studied in one of the world’s top colleges, you’re well-educated with a doctor degree, and successful in your career and life. How can I believe your claim? I'm quite confused!

Sincerely, XXX

David first distinguishes perfectionism from the healthy pursuit of excellence, and then describes a painful incident when he was a Stanford medical student. One afternoon, he attended an afternoon Gestalt encounter group at the home of a friend and mentor in Palo Alto. During the group he was ripped to shreds by the other participants. At the end of the group, the other participants seemed elated, but he felt intensely humiliated, ashamed, and discouraged. This led to an unexpected interaction with his mentor that helped to change his life.

David also discusses his clinical work years later with a depressed and anxious professional who had never experienced even one minute of happiness in spite of a life of fabulous success and achievements.

At the end, David and Fabrice promise a future podcast on this topic: “Self-Esteem: What is it? How do I get it? How can I get rid of it once I’ve got it?”

Transcript

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0:00.0	Hello and welcome to the Feeling Good podcast.
0:12.4	I am your host, Fabrice Knight.
0:14.7	And joining me here in the Murrieta Studios is Dr. David Burns.
0:19.0	Hi, David.
0:20.0	Hi, Fabrice.
0:23.8	Dr. David Burns has been a pioneer in the development of cognitive therapy, and he is the creator of the new team therapy. He is the author of
0:30.2	Feeling Good, which has sold over 5 million copies in the United States, and has been translated into
0:35.5	over 20 languages.
0:43.0	He is an emeritus adjunct clinical professor of psychiatry at the Stanford University School of Medicine.
0:45.4	So, David, I think you wanted to do another listener question, and this one is on perfectionism.
0:53.7	And being special. And being and being special yes I know that
0:57.6	this is totally foreign to you but you speak well about it one of my favorite topics
1:03.8	actually so let me read to you what Zli sent to us.
1:19.6	He or she said, in your feeling good handbook, you suggested that the reader just allow himself or herself to be an ordinary person.
1:24.2	Contrary to your opinion in the book, you're an outstanding therapist in reality.
1:30.3	You studied in the World Top College, you're well-educated with a doctor degree, and successful in your career and your life.
1:38.3	How can I believe your claim? I am quite confused.
1:42.3	Right, right. Well, this is a great one and it could be the
1:45.8	springboard actually for a number of podcasts on the achievement addiction, perfectionism, perceived
1:52.4	perfectionism, self-esteem. We can have one on the four paths to self-esteem.
2:01.3	These are practical topics having to do with confidence and joy versus depression, but they're
2:09.5	also kind of philosophical, spiritual topics as well.
	...

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